Alright..here it goes. I have seen therapists off and on for years and have been going to this one woman for awhile now. She is good and easy on the eyes and it's taken a longtime for me to open up. She suggested sometime back i write feelings and what i want to say in a journal and try to get them out that way and yesterday i was breaking down some and told her my dark secret. My main interest in getting therapy was to understand why i live for not just sex but sexual conquests. I have been married 3 times and never been faithful to anyone. I never told anyone what happened to me when i was young because it seemed sick. I know others have gone through this but i always here about them and they are very young when it happens. I was 18 and about to graduate. My father passed away when i was little and it was just my mom and i for years and my mom never dated instead she drowned her sorrows in booze. We were more like friends than mom and son and i took care of her. I am writing this here instead of my journal so i have to let it all out and be completely honest. My mom had turned into a drunk but she was a very attractive woman. She had beautiful natural blond hair and it was longer and crystal blue eyes. She was taller maybe 5'8" and had a great body having long shapely legs and a trim figure with a great ass and maybe a 36 C or D chest.
Sometimes she would drink herself into a stuper and i would have to carry her to bed and undress her. The first time i saw her body in bra and panties i got excited and got a hard on as i put her in bed. I was ashamed and couldn't understand why that happened.
This is getting difficult to talk about but we also would hang out sometimes and i would drink some with her and she would make me feel bad if i didn't..she would say..are you going to make me drink alone?
One night we were drinking and i was getting a good buzz on but it took her alot more and she drank two for every one i had it seemed and i got tired and said i wanted to go to bed. She said..ok.honey and i went to my room and undressed. I always liked to sleep in the raw.
I was fast asleep when i heard her call my name and i sat up in bed. She was standing there close to me and through blury eyes i could see her in the dark of the room and she was naked and crawling into bed with me saying...i don't want to sleep alone Derek...before i could react mentally she had pulled down the sheets and laid in bed almost ontop of me and was running her hand to my crotch and feeling my cock. I didn't want to but i got rock hard very quickly. She started to kiss my mouth and put her tongue in my mouth and breath faster and then she moved her head to my neck and kissed it lightly with her hand stroking my cock and said in a low sexual voice..ohhh Derek..my big boy..hahaha... nake me feel good..Derek...hahaha..i tried to say..mom.. but she had slid over and opened her legs and was sinking down on my cock letting go of it with her hand and starting to roll her ass and fuck me as i layed there and heard her deep moans. She had her arms up and to the sides of my head as a man would in the missionary position and she just purred and went..hahahaa...ohhhh Derek..i love you...i put my arms around her without even knowing why and i was so excited i started to rub her ass as she slowly was sliding up and down and moaning.
Her breathing was getting faster and her moans deeper and i was more excited and i rolled her over. I wasn't a virgin and knew how to fuck and i held her tit in my hand and sucked her nipple and she had her legs spread wide for me and had raised them and i started to thrust into her and it seemed so surreal. I was fucking her and i liked it and she was making lots of sounds and i felt good pleasing her. We had been screwing for a couple minutes and she orgasmed hard yelling out my name and saying she loved me. She went limp and i pulled out and layed beside her and she went to sleep first. I just held her and had such terrible feelings because i looked at her body as she slept and felt this incredible desire for her. The next morning i was awakened by her down at my waist with me on my back and she was fondling my cock and it was hard again and she lust looked up at me and said...shhhh baby..and she went down on me. My mom sucked my cock to orgasm and swallowed my hot load and when she was done she came up and put her head on my chest and said..feel better baby ? I was scared as hell..she wasn't drunk anymore and i was really confused. I wanted her so much. Later she said come with me sweetheart and she took me into the shower and ran her hands over me soaping me down and rinsing me and pullig my hand to her breast and i felt her up and then she stood in front of me and leaned forward and i just did it. She had her head bent down and her hand on the wall and i fucked her standing behind her in the shower slow and fior a longtime and she orgasmed again before i came in her.
Things really got crazy after that and several times a month we would drink together and we would go to bed together and truth be told i fucked her silly sometimes 4 or 5 times in the night and a i well i even fucked her i the ass. It was like i was her husband and she made so many sounds of fullfillment it made me feel good. That summer before college i was taking care of my needs by fucking my boss the wife of a Dairy Queen owner all summer and my mom drank more and more as i avoided drinking with her and going to bed with her. What do i feel. ASHAMED ..USED...To this day i can't help hating myself for feeling she was a great fuck. After i went off to college she eventually started to date this good old boy and they married but she got sick soon after and passed away 6 years later. Forgive me mom. I hope i have not offended anyone and this was simply a theraputic thing for me. SORRY.