I got up that morning feeling off. It wasn't that I felt actually ill, I didn't.

I just felt...off?

The Coffee pot was ready, I poured a cup, checked the fire and there were still some coals so I flipped the draft to build some heat, stuffed a few smaller pieces of wood in there.

In just a few minutes I was rewarded with flames, so I dropped in a couple of blocks and closed the draft.

By then I was ready for my morning ritual, I headed off for the bathroom, still feeling oddly.

That was strange, in my 66 years I had my share of colds and flu, this was different. As I sat on the john I glanced over and looked at myself, my face seemed to be fairly white.

Still, everything appeared normal, until I glanced down at the tissue.

It was shockingly black, jet black!

Now what in the hell, I thought? I wondered what I had eaten that could have caused that? Perhaps the bowl of chili a few days earlier, the Spinach I had steamed for dinner with a dab of Vinegar on it?

I went in and sat down in my chair, feeling mildly dizzy. Clicking on the TV, the screen seemed blurry, I wiped at my eyes a few times to clear them.

My stomach began to hurt, then rumble, it was obvious gas. I barely made it to the bathroom that time, checking the tissue again it was still jet black.

I went back in and sat down at my computer, pulled up a medical web site. Nope, it wasn't licorice, I hated that stuff and I sure as hell hadn't taken any Pepto bismol.

Then the screen linked to bleeding ulcers, Colon Cancer, all sorts of horror stories.

I closed the screen, I was healthy as a horse and knew it. Nothing bad could be happening to me, it had to be something I ate.

The next morning was the same, by now I was feeling really down and beginning to worry. I looked at the clock, it was 9:30, ridiculous for me, I always woke up at 6 AM.

I did some more online searching, same results. On impulse, I reached for the phone and called my Nurse Practitioner's office.

Her name is Debra, she is a 50 something gal that packs around maybe 20 extra pounds. I know she is single, some things are easy to find out in small towns. She usually has on pants and a sweater with a cartoon character sewn on the front, she doesn't look like any Nurse or Doctor you ever saw.

I seldom use a Doctor, I prefer a Nurse. I suppose that is silly but she listens to me carefully and looks at me like she actually sees me, most Doctors look at charts and glance at me like I am a broken part on a car or something.

Besides, she has had her fingers up my rear end and my dick in her hand checking, no nonsense about any of that at all. We even talked about things that happened to me 50 years ago, it seems that every detail of my life is right there on her computer screen.

We even chatted about the fact that I sometimes have a little stuggle getting it up, what the hell, I really am 66 and on Nitrates. I have been single myself for almost a decade.

No Viagra for me because of that, she told me. But there are other ways, she actually went into some depth about it, not even a hint of discomfort on her face as she reached down with a gloved hand and did something down there that tripped the old thing.

That one kinda surprised me, hell, there I stood in the silly gown with all the flowers on it sporting what was pretty fair wood for my old tired pecker.

She might as well have been talking about my fingers, I have a good Doctor there.

Or rather, a Nurse.

Anyway, her assistant came on the phone and asked me a few questions, then told me he would be right back.

He was in seconds.

"Debra says to tell you to go to emergency." He said.

"Emergency? I'm not that sick, I just...."

"That is what she said, you could be bleeding out."

"I don't think it's that, can't you run some tests?" No way in hell did I want to go to any emergency room, I had been in a couple of them and I hated that.

Then there was some conversation in the background, Debra came on the phone.

"Dan, don't you go being a stubborn horse's ass on me, get yourself in here and right now!" She demanded.

"Debra, I..."

"NOW! Go to the lab, they are waiting. They will pull some blood, if the results are what I think you are going to the hospital."

"OK." No point in arguing with her, either, I had long since figured that part out, too.

They had the test results back in two hours, she took one look.

"Dan. Go to emergency. Right NOW!"

The next thing I knew I was flat on my back with tubes running out of me, thinking longingly of my pack of smokes I had left in the car, and my coffee pot at home that was cold by now.

The place was full of nurses running around everywhere, some of them on the cute side which wasn't too bad. Of course the one they sent in to shove his arm up my ass was a hairy guy that could have been King Kong's little brother.

"Well, you most certainly are bleeding!" He said, and left.

Seconds later a tall nurse came in, looked me over. Another one was right behind her, they sprayed something terrible in my throat, then shoved a tube down my nose. That was terrible, I gagged and retched, finally they mercifully pulled the tube back out. Then they both left, a few seconds later the tall one came back in.

"You are being admitted, usually we have to transmit to the valley hospital but you are lucky, we have a room here." Then she winked at me.

In short order I was in a room, an IV in my arm and two bags hanging from the little stand by my side.

A young woman swept into the room, began moving things around. "Hello, Dan. I'm Candi, I will be your CNP today. Anything you need just buzz me." She handed me a controller.

"Hey, can I get some Coffee?"

"No, no Coffee." She smiled at me, reaching down she adjusted the pillows. Hell, I could see all the way to her navel when she did that, the smock she had on gapped way open.

She saw me looking and just smiled, made no move to cover up or hide anything.

Maybe this wasn't going to be so bad, I thought.

"So what are they putting in me here?" I asked, waving at the IV stand.

"Two pints of blood and a medicine to help control the bleeding, they think you have an ulcer."

"An ulcer? Is two pints a lot?"

"Yes, honey, it's a lot. Now you just rest, try to get some sleep." Candi left the room.

Two days went by uneventful, I mostly just lay there. I had spent the last several years living alone, just me and my old Dog. The old Dog was gone one morning when I woke up so for the last year it was just me. I really was not used to people around, and it seemed like every few minutes someone came in to draw blood out of me or wake me up for something.

No fucking wonder they had to put more blood in, they kept pulling more out.

Candi came in and poked me some more, I got another peek at the top of her titties.

"Hey, how much are you guys getting for all the blood you are selling from me?" I asked.

"Gotta support the hospital somehow, times are tough!" She reached out and put one hand on my stomach, I was totally aware of that, it made my dick twitch under the thin cloth.

The worst part was having to get up and go to the bathroom with the little roller IV stand in tow, then try to poop into a little tray so the nurses could come in and inspect it. There was an odd looking curved jar to pee into, a nurse named July came in and emptied that.

I was starting to think they all had fake names.

The funny one was when a different nurse came in and her face was bright red, I knew she was brand new. For one thing, she was nervous as hell, plus she acted like she had to think about everything before she did it. Cute little thing maybe 5 feet tall, dark hair tugged back into a bun, she was slender where she should be and nice and round where it mattered.

I glanced at her name tag, it read Barb.

"I have to ask you." She said, in the worst pretend British accent I ever heard in my life.

"Ask me what?"

"Would you be so kind as to pee for me? I can't get off shift until you do." I could hear the other nurses outside the door laughing and giggling.

"Sure, Honey. Where would you like me to pee?" I asked her, going along with the joke.

"In the jar..the jar. Oh thank you sir so much for peeing for me!" She flushed scarlet but managed to get it out, still using that fake English accent.

The nurses outside were roaring now, the young girl beat a hasty retreat.

That was funny, I turned and sat up and managed a couple of inches in the jug, she came in a few minutes later and recorded the volume, then emptied it.

The next day Debra came by.

"Well, we have the bleeding stopped, you had us worried there for awhile."

"What's going on with me?" I asked.

"Ulcer we think, and pretty bad. You lost one heck of a lot of blood. I am going to put you on some iron supplements, then watch the blood tests."

"OK. When can I get out of here?"

"A few more days, we can't have you going home and starting to bleed all over again." She reached out and patted my stomach.

"I ordered a test, they are going to look inside your stomach." Debra added.

"I don't think I am going to like that." I said.

"Well, we find the bleed there or we have to take a look up the other end!" She eyed me, her hand still resting on my belly.

"I don't want to be in here, I feel just fine!" I told her.

"Your butt is going to stay right here, Dan. We will make it as comfortable as we can, I will have a chat with the nurses about your needs."

With that she winked at me and was gone.

About an hour later the one with the nametag of July came in, she had a pan and some towels.

"Time for your bath!" She smiled brightly, pulling on some rubber gloves.

"I don't need a...." I started to protest. I had only seen this woman once, I would just as soon she didn't.

"Doctor's orders!" She grinned and that was it.

She washed my face, my chest, leaving a tiny towel covering my privates. Then she poked in as far as she could around the towel and asked me to turn over. That wasn't easy to do with wires and tubes and needles sticking out of the back of my hands and my forearms but I managed.

It was my turn to blush, I had a pretty good idea of what my ass looked like with all the stuff that had been coming out of me, but she didn't change expression, just reached in and washed me clean, even washing my testicles.

Next she had me roll back over, reaching down and holding my dick as she washed it, even sliding my foreskin back to carefully clean the head.

I did everything in my power to not erect, and almost succeeded.

Almost.

"There you go, honey! All squeaky clean again!" She grinned ear to ear and off she went.

They ran the test on my stomach the next day, mercifully they gave me something and I woke up back in my room. A male Doctor was standing there looking at me.

"Well, good news and bad!" He announced.

"Give me the good part first."

"You quit bleeding." He grinned.

"And the bad?"

"Ulcer, nasty one. We will give you some meds for that, and your physician is going to prescribe a new diet for you."

"Just great."

"Yea, no more coffee, and no more smoking for a start." He looked at me pointedly.

"No smoking? Hey no way in hell can I..." Then it hit me, I had just laid there for over three days without smoking and simply forgot about it?

I'll be damned, that was easy, I thought.

"When can I get out of here?" I asked.

"In a few more days, the bleed was bad, if it starts up again you could be in organ failure by the time you get here, we put four pints of blood back in you already."

Funny, I only remembered two.

"Iron count crashed, that's what this is for." I looked up at the bag of clear liquid still hanging there as he tapped it and checked that, then made some notes.

The next day was uneventful, hospitals are normally boring places to be. I hated the idea that I was beginning to know the names of some of the actresses on soap operas. But some of them were sure cute and I liked the outfits they wore.

What the hell.

The last night there something woke me up, I glanced at the clock, it was 2:30 in the morning.

Someone was standing by my bed, it took me a moment to realize it was the new candy striper nurse, Barb.

"Morning." I said.

"Hello." She acted nervous as hell.

"Is something wrong?" I asked. I thought I heard a giggle outside, it was hard to be sure since the door was closed.

"No, everything is fine. They told me to ask you...They said I should check to see if you..NEED anything?"

I was sure I heard another giggle outside. Glancing down, I saw she was holding a pair of clear latex gloves and a small towel.

"No, I guess I am fine, unless you need me to pee again?" I was slightly confused.

"They told me to...take care of you...if you want." I saw her muster her courage, she reached out and put her hand on my crotch. That caused an instant twitch in my loins.

"Oh." I got it, the other nurses were having fun at this young girl's expense.

"Honey, I am just fine, you don't have to do anything." I told her.

She pulled her hand back, and left the room, her face still scarlet. I laughed to myself, the nurses on duty must be bored to be teasing the poor young lady like that. I let myself slip off into sleep.

The next morning they unhooked me, I got dressed and sat there like they told me to until July rolled in with a wheelchair.

"Hell, I can walk." I told her.

"Hospital policy." She grinned at me.

We got to the elevator, she touched the button, then turned to me.

"You really are a nice guy, aren't you?"

"What do you mean?"

"With Barb, the newbie. The other girls were giving her a tough time, but she is learning. That was nice of you to not take advantage."

"No problem." I answered.

"Hey, I want you to know, I do massages as a sideline, here is my card." She slipped a business card in my pocket.

The first floor bell rang, the doors opened.

"Besides, Medicare will take care of it, we do need to keep you nice and calm." She smiled at me with a raised eyebrow.

I laughed at that, is this a great Nation or what? I pulled out the card and looked at it, put it back.

"I think I will take you up on that!" I grinned at her.

Four days later, I was sitting in Debra's office as she looked at the computer screen, asking me one question after another.

Finally she closed the screen, looked at me with a grin.

"Well, I think you are going to live!" She grinned.

"Guess so." I answered.

"So how are you doing...with the other problem?"

"What other problem?"

"Your erectile concerns."

"Oh, that. Just getting old is all."

"I heard about the bit with Barb, the nurses can be a little mean sometimes, but they were just teasing her. They do that with all the new ones."

"Yea, I got that."

"Well, how about I write you a prescription, then you can go see July?"

I blinked, looked at her. I really had almost forgotten about that.

"OK, I guess. Yea, that would be nice!" I grinned at her as she scribbled something on a slip and handed it to me.

On the way out, Debra stopped me in the hallway.

"Danny, if you have any more concerns, or...needs? Come see me, I can help you out, too." Then she winked at me, slid another slip of paper in my pocket.

"I think I just might take you up on that!" I smiled at her.

Outside in my car, I pulled out the slip of paper, looked at it.

Debra's home phone number.

I was humming to myself on the way home, things were looking up.

Glancing down, I spotted my pack of smokes. I held it for a moment, then crushed the pack, dropped it in the trash bag.

Yep. Things were sure looking up.